Thunderpots HOOOO!

now we're ready

Louisville’s ready.  All 650 thunderpots are in place to be at the beck and call of all Thunderians this Saturday.  Thunder Over Louisville will draw them out by the hundreds of thousands.  I bet they can’t wait to use a thunderpot.

Me?  I’ll be at home.  Watching it on TV.  Or maybe sitting on the deck hearing the loud pops from nine miles away.  I don’t do Thunder.  As much as I love the Kentucky Derby Festival, I don’t like Thunder.  I’ve tried it twice; me no likey.

Sure, who doesn’t enjoy fighter jets flying overhead and watching 60 tons of fireworks go off over the Ohio River.  I like those things.  But two things, two BIG things, keep me from heading down to the Waterfront to kickoff the Festival: people and people who drive cars.

People

I always thought that Thunder was a way to bring the community together, for neighbors to become friends, to celebrate by lighting up the sky and littering the river with fireworks.  Part of that’s true.  But most people have no sense of camaraderie, they could give two shits where you’re from (unless they’re the type that yells “Go back to your side of the river!”) and they don’t want to be your friend.

Why?  Because all that sun turns people into sunburned assholes.

I remember snaking through a crowd with friends.  The crowd’s so big you can lose people in the blink of an eye, so we were on each others’ tails like white on rice.  But then some fat old lady threw her stumpy sunburned leg up on a cooler, blocking my path.  “GO AROUND!”  I just stared at her, then the crowd around us.

Where, exactly, am I to go around?  Apparently I was walking through “her camp”, “her territory” and she didn’t like it.  Now, I’m all about personal space (believe me, I don’t want to smell you) but this isn’t the Oklahoma Land Rush and we don’t get to stake our take.

Though, it can be compared because there are some Sooners that camp out the night before.  To get “the best plot on the park grass”.  Dumbasses.

So I backed up, and walked around “her area”.  Which was another person’s camp and I proceeded to get yelled at again.  Really?  This is public property and you parked your beach lounger and cooler on a sidewalk.  Get a clue.  And try to be polite.  And wear some sunscreen because your Pantone 485 C face is unbecoming.  And someone please tell me where you are and are not allowed to walk.  Because this is a cluster.

I’ve never been very fond of big crowds but this is everything I hate about big crowds.  I never knew you could fit so many assholes into a hundred or so acres.  But they squeeze themselves in there to have a fun day of spectating and turning into raisins.

People Who Drive Cars

After the last firework has blown up, you trek back to your house.  With everybody and their extended family on both sides.   Roughly 700,000 people [give or take 200½] all leaving at the same time.  It makes me queasy just thinking about it.

When I attended Thunder, we walked three miles to UofL to wait for the traffic to die.  It was like being bounced around a dance club.  Sweaty people bump into, you shimmy past people that post themselves on the sidewalk, in the way, where people walk, but they have a right to do so, dammit.  I even caught a little guy slapping my butt one year.  Not cool, yo.

But I cannot imagine the agony of sitting behind the wheel for 3+ hours in bumper-to-bumper traffic to get home.  I can’t even stand driving in rush hour traffic, how would I handle this?!  And I’m known to frequent the thunderpot more often than others.  This is a recipe for disaster in my eyes.  And I will not subject myself or my sanity to this kind of punishment.

I say, let them have their marked off areas/camps/territories.  Let them eat fried food and keg beer all the live long day.  Let them forget to apply more sunscreen.  Let them have their thunderpots.

I’ll stay home.  In the air conditioning, with a glass of sweet tea.  And indoor plumbing.  And I can go to bed at 11:30pm instead of pulling in the drive at 3am.  Yep, this sounds much, much better.

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~ by shutterboo on April 16, 2010.

17 Responses to “Thunderpots HOOOO!”

  1. I agree.
    Dumb people always venture out in droves.
    Best thing to do is stay home. 🙂

  2. Our invite to the corporate tent would have gotten you out of the masses of folks on the waterfront, but we’ll still be stuck in traffic afterward, so I forgive you for declining. 😉

    • I think you should thank me for declining – if had ridden together, you would have hated me by 3am. You guys will have a good time though. 🙂

  3. I literally Laughed Out LOUD while reading this. I like going to Thunder, making a day of it, with snacks, a good book, and people watching. But I hate those buggers who actually bring caution tape to block off their ‘party space’. It’s REDONK!!! Seriously. When I see that it makes me want to step on it, over it, walk through it…basically anything to piss them off for being so self important and ignorant as to think they are allowed to rope off public property. SO STUPID.

    • They bring tape now? PodMate told me when she went for a walk the other day, there were squares drawn with chalk on the sidewalk. “Smith Family.” “Tanner Family.” I guess they didn’t watch John Belski say that it’s supposed to rain tonight. Crushing dreams can sometimes be fun… 🙂

  4. I used to hate Thunder for the same reasons. Then we found the secret spot. No one can see us but we can see them. there is room for a tent, portable grill, coolers and a nice spot to watch the fireworks. JD goes there at 8am to secure the secret spot though I do not know why since no one knows it is there. We do not speak of the secret spot’s location on public blogs, but if you ever want to have an actually enjoyable time at Thunder call me.

  5. I came here by way of Melissa Gay’s blog. You’re so right about the crowds. Except the girl with leg, I might have had to had words… 🙂 Love your blog!

    • I usually don’t have words with strangers… I avoid confrontation face to face. Although I’m pretty hot stuff over the telephone. Media buyers can’t hold guns face to face. It’s a little known fact. (and I’m glad you stopped by!)

  6. Do people try to bring dogs to this? They do at events in my town. nothing more humane to your “best friend” than bringing them into a crowd of 100000 people.

    I’m with you on not getting into it with “the leg”. By the time you were done, she would still be stupid and you’d still be ticked off. What’s the point?

    • They ask people not to bring dogs. I’m sure people do. And strollers. And tents. And a bazillion coolers because dragging that 2 miles is better than ponying up $4 for a bottled water.
      Good point… but I just kept my mouth shut because she scared me. If you had seen her, you’d understand. Igg.

      • We took Bonnie and Clyde one year. But again, we’re not in the crowd. They were sheltered from the people. They had blankets to sleep on under the shade of a tent and their dog bowls. We did leave before the fireworks though. I think THAT is just cruel. How terrified would a dog get? Except maybe BDD. But even BDD could FEEL the thunder.

  7. who knew it was possible to make these look good. I had my first porta-encounter this year as I was mardi-graing for beads in Galveston. I can’t believe I survived said encounter, not looking forward to re-enacting the experience.

  8. Yup. I managed to avoid them that long, cuz you know i’ve lived a long life. I have public restroom issues, don’t even get me started on mobile holes in plastic container buildings.

  9. I am so completely and totally cracking up over here. First, cheers to you. I generally hate most people. So, put 700,000 of them in one place (give or take, as you said), and I’m infinitely unhappy. What fun is that?

    Second, you are the only person I know (or, don’t really know to be exact), who could make blue shitters look cool. Cheers to you, again, for such an accomplishment.

    Third, I hear you on the sun and assholes. I live in the desert. We have 334 sunny days a year…and everyone is always pissy. Go figure.

    Ok, I’m going back to laughing about this post. You are too funny.

    Lisa

  10. I am so with you on this! I was not one bit sad that we were going to be gone during Thurnder ths year. Assholes and trash…were you with us the year Nicole thought it was a good idea to take the tarc, yes the tarc, back to Uof L and some 15 year old hood rat told Nicole she was going to “Brittney Spears” her?! What the hell is that?!?! I will avoid at all costs 🙂

    • Yes. I was there. That’s the year we met a handful of people down at the Waterfront. My first Thunder. The TARC was a good idea. Nicole threatening to open a can of whoop ass? Not so good of an idea.

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