This is me. Throwing my patience out the window. Or maybe a handbook.

Fly By

I miss the sunshine.  I miss dry skies.  I miss dry sidewalks.

We had a little teaser last Friday and Saturday – I wore a light jacket and dusted off my sunglasses.  But then Sunday came along and had to ruin the good thing we had going.  Boo Sunday.

But you know what I really miss?   Rush hour traffic with folks that actually know how to drive a vehicle.

Now, I’m not a professional driver by any means of the definition.  But I haven’t been in a wreck for almost 10 years so I’m going to go out on a limb and say I’m a good driver.  But the people I share the road with to and from work?  I’m beginning to question their common sense behind the wheel.

I really believe that December was “Drive Without Using a Blinker” month.  I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I was cut off.  In intersections.  Where it’s illegal to switch lanes.  What gives?  But January is proving to be just as much of an obstacle course.

Did you know that the lines on the road are there for us to stay in between?  Not to cross over on a whim when surrounded by 20 other boxes of metal with wheels?  Just yesterday, a SUV completely crossed over into my lane when taking a sharp right turn.  Even with driving uber slow.  And with those little dashed lines showing him where to go.  So I honked.  And then he swerved all like “WTF!  Where did that come from?  What’s going on?”  Idiot.

And you know those big yellow arrows they put on lanes that are only supposed to turn?  And if you’re not in that lane, you don’t get to turn?  That’s apparently just a recommendation because last week a fella turned his little 4-wheel drive right in front of my car to make a left even though I had waited my turn like a good little driver.  I’m sure he has that “my truck is bigger than your Honda” mentality.  Asshole.

This morning, Miss Lexus at McDonalds felt the need to pull out in front me and proceed to drive 15 miles under the speed limit.  UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT.  AT 8AM.  WHEN EVERYONE IS GOING TO WORK.  I know she wasn’t paying attention.  Probably making out with her McMuffin and oblivious to the line of cars behind her flashing their lights.  Moron.

I let the Lexus get to me.  Even after I told myself it’s not her fault the McMuffin is irresistable.  But when I tried to get away,  she cut me off.  Rephrase: She cut me off slowly.  And so I screamed at the top of my lungs, managed to get back in the lane I was originally in and braked for a red light.  And I watched Miss Lexus make out with her breakfast over my right shoulder.  Bitch.

I think I might just take to the skies instead of the roads.  Or buy a ton of Kentucky Driver Handbooks and start chucking them at people when they drive like retards.

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~ by shutterboo on January 22, 2010.

13 Responses to “This is me. Throwing my patience out the window. Or maybe a handbook.”

  1. Well I’m going to be throwing a handbook out the window pretty soon too. Its called “HTML and XHTML”. Either I’ll ingest the contents of the book by EATING it, or opening up my window overlooking the pond and tossing it and it’s contents into the depths of the icy abyss.

  2. Another reason I refuse to move back there.

  3. I thought this week had been named “let’s drive in the rain without our lights on” or “let’s have our car break down on I-64 East right after the 9th street on-ramp” (seriously! The past THREE days this has happened. What are the odds of that?)

    • I forgot about the light thing – dude without lights weaving in and out of traffic on Brownsboro yesterday. I just don’t get it. Maybe I have already become the adult I’ve dreaded.

  4. Brooke

    You sound just like your DAddy.

    Bro just uses any excuse to excuse himself.

    Doo Doo

  5. On the suv veering into your lane, i regret to inform you that those vehicles must veer left to turn right. As a result, you must always yield to them.

    Or something like that.

    • He veered right to veer right. Right into my lane. I can always tell who doesn’t really know where they’re going and do drive cautioussly but for reals: keep up with traffic and pay attention. Everyone just wants to get home in one piece.

  6. I like the idea of the drivers’ handbook being used. However, I’d go a step further, since throwing them AT the person won’t really do any good, as I’m sure the odds are, they won’t get out of their vehicle to pick up and examine what was thrown at them. Take a day off of work, go about your usual routine, only FOLLOW THEM to wherever they end up, and duct tape the book to their front window when they exit their car. Think that will get the message across? 😀

    • That’s a bit stalker-ish for me. I did think that throwing them wasn’t enough though. I could cover them with tacky paper or glue blobs so when I chucked it, it would stick to their car. Besides, throwing stuff is better for me. Helps with the aggression. 🙂

      • There ya go! That’s more like it! LOL And you could chuck it harder, so it’ll actually stick. That’ll feel pretty good, I”m sure. 😉

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