This is me. Throwing my patience out the window. Or maybe a handbook.
I miss the sunshine. I miss dry skies. I miss dry sidewalks.
We had a little teaser last Friday and Saturday – I wore a light jacket and dusted off my sunglasses. But then Sunday came along and had to ruin the good thing we had going. Boo Sunday.
But you know what I really miss? Rush hour traffic with folks that actually know how to drive a vehicle.
Now, I’m not a professional driver by any means of the definition. But I haven’t been in a wreck for almost 10 years so I’m going to go out on a limb and say I’m a good driver. But the people I share the road with to and from work? I’m beginning to question their common sense behind the wheel.
I really believe that December was “Drive Without Using a Blinker” month. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I was cut off. In intersections. Where it’s illegal to switch lanes. What gives? But January is proving to be just as much of an obstacle course.
Did you know that the lines on the road are there for us to stay in between? Not to cross over on a whim when surrounded by 20 other boxes of metal with wheels? Just yesterday, a SUV completely crossed over into my lane when taking a sharp right turn. Even with driving uber slow. And with those little dashed lines showing him where to go. So I honked. And then he swerved all like “WTF! Where did that come from? What’s going on?” Idiot.
And you know those big yellow arrows they put on lanes that are only supposed to turn? And if you’re not in that lane, you don’t get to turn? That’s apparently just a recommendation because last week a fella turned his little 4-wheel drive right in front of my car to make a left even though I had waited my turn like a good little driver. I’m sure he has that “my truck is bigger than your Honda” mentality. Asshole.
This morning, Miss Lexus at McDonalds felt the need to pull out in front me and proceed to drive 15 miles under the speed limit. UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT. AT 8AM. WHEN EVERYONE IS GOING TO WORK. I know she wasn’t paying attention. Probably making out with her McMuffin and oblivious to the line of cars behind her flashing their lights. Moron.
I let the Lexus get to me. Even after I told myself it’s not her fault the McMuffin is irresistable. But when I tried to get away, she cut me off. Rephrase: She cut me off slowly. And so I screamed at the top of my lungs, managed to get back in the lane I was originally in and braked for a red light. And I watched Miss Lexus make out with her breakfast over my right shoulder. Bitch.
I think I might just take to the skies instead of the roads. Or buy a ton of Kentucky Driver Handbooks and start chucking them at people when they drive like retards.